


Up Yours, Pamela

by nerdfighterwhatevernumbers



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam doesn't know he's a dilf, Alternate Universe - Parents, Domestic, Future Fic, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Oneshot, PTA au, Rich white moms hate Ronan, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:38:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5124425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdfighterwhatevernumbers/pseuds/nerdfighterwhatevernumbers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam goes to his first PTA meeting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Up Yours, Pamela

“You sure you want to go? Those moms are like passive aggressive wolverines.”

Adam gave Ronan a look as if to say, ‘What does that even mean?’

“Yeah, I’m sure. Whatever they’re like, they can’t be any worse than you.”

Ronan couldn’t totally argue that. They continued talking as Ronan finished packing their lunches and Adam tied his tie. Over fifteen years together and Ronan still found himself staring at Adam’s hands as he did so.

“I never get to go, I want to take advantage of my half day at work. Are a bunch of moms really the ones I should be worried about? From what I heard, the last meeting ended with you dumping a plate of brownies and yelling at a housewife.”

“Andrea had it coming.”

Adam sighed. Ronan went on about how grating these people were, and he understood. It was a prep school and that meant rich stuck up parents who think their kid is the best and can do no wrong, constant passive aggression, and no one actually wanting to talk about solutions that will make things better for their kids. The worst of them was Ashton Montgomery- a bigot Ronan had apparently gotten into multiple fights with, although the tool rarely went to meetings. The only reason Ronan insisted on going was because he didn’t trust any of them with their son’s education. It seemed like Ronan should have been kicked out a long time ago, if you could even get kicked out, but he knew when to rein it in just barely enough to get by. The donations to the school didn’t hurt either. 

“Can you try to keep it calm this time? Arguing is kind of my job. If there’s a problem I can probably do something that doesn’t scare everyone into submission.”

“How do you know that’s what happens?” 

“Because I know you.”

Ronan looked a bit pleased with himself at that. Adam finished fiddling with his tie and jacket and leaned on the kitchen counter, careful not to mess his clothes. He stole an apple slice from where Ronan was dividing them into little plastic bags.

“I only need to get one person on my side for them to take me seriously.”

“I’m not sure how that works, but one person is usually all you have, isn’t it?”

Ronan just shrugged, apparently bored with this conversation.

The only real ally Ronan had on the PTA was Deborah. She liked him because the woman who made unsavory comments about her daughter’s Special Education needs started crying after a sufficient scolding and explanation of her mistake. And by that, he meant Ronan had loudly berated her without restraint, ending in a mild (for Ronan) conclusion of “Up yours, Pamela,” coupled with a rude gesture.

The school got a set of new computers after that. 

Ronan was a bit of a fixture at the meetings, and the only one who didn’t care about social standing with the other parents enough to actually argue when things were overboard ridiculous. He could be oddly effective at times, but honestly all Adam knew about it was from what Ronan told him, or sometimes Connor, who would keep them updated on new things happening whenever a change actually went through. For all he knew, there were only a few really bad seeds and everyone loved Ronan. Maybe they were the type who found a snarling bald man covered in tattoos threatening to staple your toupee to your mouth endearing. 

Ronan finished putting the sandwiches in Adam’s brown bag and Connor’s blue lunch box. He didn’t always pack their lunches, mostly when he felt like it, but Adam loved it when he did. It was the little things he did to show he cared. He would never have guessed it when they first met, but Ronan Lynch could be oddly domestic when he wanted to be. 

“Connor!” Ronan yelled, “Time to go!”

There was some shuffling from the other room for a minute, then a little boy came into the kitchen, backpack dragging behind him, dark messy hair still not combed. Adam tried to straighten it out, but Ronan just ruffled his hair and messed it up again, earning an annoyed look from Adam and a giggle from their son at his dad’s exasperation.  
“Say goodbye to Dad,” Ronan said. Connor hugged Adam, and Adam kissed his nose. His face scrunched up in response, but he still smiled. Thankfully, he still wasn’t too old to find affection like that unwanted. Ronan and Adam hoped it could stay like this for as long as possible. Both of them had to grow up faster than they should have, and neither of them had a loving father when they needed it most. They didn’t intend to let that happen with their family. 

It wasn’t surprising that Ronan got so worked up at meetings. He was trying to make the best possible place for Connor. 

Adam kissed Ronan goodbye and they were off. Ronan would take Connor to school, then drop him off with Blue for the meeting. Adam would go to the law firm and meet him at the school later. 

 

Adam went through the work day with his usual confidence, but as he got closer to the end his stomach started to get a few knots. Going to school as an adult always had a weird feeling, but it was probably worse for Adam, who only had memories of never fitting in at schools like Connor’s. Ronan was the one who was always free so Adam had only gone to the school a few times, meaning he still wasn’t used to it and still only knew Connor’s teacher and the principal. Obviously, Adam had been up against worse, but he couldn’t help but be a little nervous about meeting all the stuck up rich parents who already had it in for his husband.

He was more nervous than he would have liked, but he liked to think it was a normal kind of nerves. Still, Adam found himself checking his hair in the mirror on the drive over and straightening his suit jacket when he got out of the car. The school was massive, but honestly something Adam had gotten used to hanging around Aglionby boys and lawyers for so many years. The school’s cold iron fencing and old fashioned stone carvings in the building weren’t exactly inviting though.

After some time navigating the hallways, Adam wasn’t quite sure he had the right room, but then a plump, friendly, woman with graying blond hair quickly greeted him and pulled him in through the doorway.

“Hello, you must be here for the meeting! I’m Deb, I’m the head of the PTA!”

Oh- that at least explained a little bit why Ronan’s strategy wasn’t a complete failure. 

Deb was surprisingly strong, leading Adam by his arm over to a fancy meeting table. This school wasn’t quite as needlessly wealthy as Aglionby had been, but it was still full of rich people who had apparently put a lot of funding into a simple meeting room. The meeting table was intricately carved and polished wood, the windows were huge with fancy curtains, an expensive looking podium at the front of the room with an electronic board behind it, and an actual chandelier in the middle of the ceiling. 

What were these people doing? Why did they need this?

Adam was used to wealthy people by now and he had been to his son’s school before, but still, this was an elementary school. It never stopped baffling him just how different these people’s lives were from his own growing up. He was already nervous, but now some old insecurities were coming back as he realized he was going to meet a large bunch of people who might judge him if he made it too obvious this wasn’t how he was brought up. He did not want to start caring about that again- he hadn’t felt the need to hide his accent in years. Who knew how they would judge him for that?

Nothing he did could rival the way they felt about Ronan though, and he’d be lying if he said that didn’t make him feel a little better. 

Deb had left to get some papers and by then a few other mothers had shown up. There weren’t any other dads yet, but he knew there were some. Ronan complained about them enough that he knew a few of them by name. Hopefully Ashton Montgomery would stay home tonight. They really didn’t need Ronan getting into it again. A couple of women spoke to each other from across the room, then came over to Adam.

“Hello, I’m Jessica Klein. This is Margaret Woodson.” 

Jessica waved her manicured fingers at him, and looked him up and down as if sizing him up. One of them had a strong perfume that Adam tried not to choke on. It could have been his imagination, but most of these women looked the same. Dyed blond or neat brown hair, all done up, lots of makeup and jewelry, and very fake smiles with blinding white teeth. 

“Hello,” Adam returned “Nice to meet you.”

Jessica’s eyes got a little wide and both of them looked as if he had done some kind of trick.

“What an adorable accent you have!” Jessica declared.

“Thank you,” he said hesitantly. If she had guessed anything about his background from his accent, it didn’t bother her. They might not have noticed. Jessica had taken hold of his arm to admire his suit (Adam flinched when she did, but didn’t know how to push her away).

Both seemed nice enough, but Adam couldn’t be sure. They were smiling and happy, but had no sense of boundaries and he couldn’t stop feeling like they were examining him. Between them, the room’s uptight atmosphere, and Ronan’s stories, he wasn’t exactly sure he could make good friends here.

“So, are you both parents?” Adam asked, trying not to sound too awkward. Jessica’s grip loosened when they started talking again and he slipped himself out of her hands.

“Of course!” 

“I’m a parent and a teacher.” Margaret said politely. “We’ve never seen you here before. We thought we should come over and welcome you.” 

It was hard to tell if how nice they were being was reassuring or unsettling. They were smiling a bit strangely, but maybe that was normal for high strung mothers trying to impress people in meetings like this.

“Adam Parrish.” He shook their hands. “Thank you for the welcome. I’m glad to meet a teacher right away.”

For some reason Margaret blushed a little as he took her hand and said that.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Jessica piped up again. She liked to be in the center of things. 

“I’m a lawyer, ma’am.”

“How interesting! And you’re so polite.”

They kept smiling and another woman had come over, maybe followed by a fourth. 

“Jackie, Miranda, this is Adam Parrish. He’s new to the group, aren’t you Mr. Parrish?” said Jessica, looking to Adam with a smile.

They were all smiling a lot, but the way she said it felt odd. Their courtesy was trying to impress, not trying to be sincere. 

Before Adam could respond, one of the new women (Miranda?) interrupted.

“Parrish? Jessica, isn’t there a Parrish boy who’s friends with your son?”

Jessica hummed. “I’m not sure, he might have-.”

“Oh! Yes, he is, he’s in the advanced reading group with Parker.”

“Connor.” Adam said, letting a little pride show through his voice.

“Connor! That’s it.” 

The mothers and teacher jumped in.

“Your boy is so smart, he’s almost up there with my daughter. She’s top of the class right now, but I guess she should watch out.” Margaret gave a wink with her comment.

“He must be smart like his father.”

“Parker is always talking about his friend- such a nice boy- I can’t believe I forgot his name.”

They went on for another minute or so, bragging about their kids, and complimenting his. He was glad they didn’t seem to let their negative feelings for Ronan affect how they treated Connor. They hadn’t heard anything bad yet, so they assumed things were fine, but it was a relief all the same.

Deb announced the meeting would start in a few minutes. Adam looked to see if Ronan had arrived yet. No. He was running late. 

“Is your _wife _coming tonight?” One of them asked.__

__The special emphasis on “wife” put Adam on edge. It was a trap. Did they expect any different answer? Of course not. They were just drawing it out, making it a passive aggressive interrogation._ _

__Adam answered nervously, bracing himself for sudden coldness or harsh remarks._ _

__“I don’t have a wife.”_ _

__Instead of anything like he expected, they all giggled at one another. Was this a middle school style bullying tactic or something?_ _

__“Well,” said Jackie, staring at him longer than he would have liked, “That’s a shame, isn’t it?”_ _

__“Hard to believe,” added Miranda, “Someone as handsome as you? You’d think you would have been snatched up by now.”_ _

__“Watch it, girls!” Margaret said, batting one of their arms playfully, “You don’t want your husbands to get the wrong idea!”_ _

__They all laughed again._ _

__Adam was getting more and more uncomfortable. A court room was fine, but he didn’t know how to handle this situation right now. He looked around, hoping to see Ronan again. None of the dads had shown up yet. He felt a little alone in that, but hoped Montgomery wouldn’t show._ _

__“Are there any other fathers here?”_ _

__“Oh, not tonight. They’re having a boys’ night. Not a bad meeting for them to miss, if you ask me.” Jessica was still staring at him._ _

__“One always shows up,” said another woman Adam was just noticing. By the bright red hair and the sneer, Adam guessed this was Pamela. “You’ll hope he doesn’t though. He’s completely inappropriate- rude, loud, tattoos, messy clothes. He once tried to bring a bird into the meeting !”_ _

__The other women nodded or made noises of agreement. Adam couldn’t really believe they were talking about his husband right in front of him, but that could only be one person._ _

__“Wait, you mean Ronan Lynch?”_ _

__He got a few surprised looks at that._ _

__“You know him?”_ _

__“Well… Yes.”_ _

__It hadn’t occurred to Adam that these women didn’t know who Ronan’s son was, or his husband’s name. They figured out Adam quickly- but Connor had his last name, so maybe they hadn’t thought too much into it? They might not even know Ronan had a husband at all._ _

__By then, Deb had taken the podium and the others were taking their seats._ _

__Adam grabbed one at the end, making sure to leave an empty space for Ronan, who was still running late. He was starting to get worried when Ronan swung the door open, closing it quickly and a little too loudly. The moms looked irritated at his appearance, but Adam suddenly relaxed at the familiar face._ _

__He realized he was smiling, and Ronan smiled back. Ronan walked over to him and leaned over. Adam lifted himself up from the chair a little so he could reach, and gave him a kiss hello. Ronan sat down and they turned to the podium. Everyone around them except a select few (including Deb, who acted as if nothing happened and continued to adjust her papers) was either staring or pretending not to. When Adam looked at them, they quickly turned back to the podium. It was hard to ignore the entertained smirk on Ronan’s face._ _

__The rest of the meeting went fine. There were a few points where conflict started, but Adam interjected before Ronan could get too riled up every time. The PTA was full of judgment, underhanded remarks, and people blatantly ignoring actual needs of the students in favor of PR or new sports uniforms (which they had already recently replaced).  
At the end of the meeting Ronan rushed out, saying he promised Connor he wouldn’t leave him alone with the scary witch lady too long. He gave Adam another kiss, making it last longer this time, probably intentionally to bother the other members. Adam was a little annoyed by that, but not nearly enough to complain._ _

__Pam had looked at Adam red faced, not even bothering with the usual mask of politeness these women had, and stormed out. Adam wanted to get out as soon as possible. Before he could escape, he was surrounded by the four women form earlier, plus more._ _

__“Ronan Lynch?”_ _

__“Are you married to him?”_ _

__“What were you thinking- are you okay?”_ _

__“How did you do that?”_ _

__“Yes, how did you do that?”_ _

__“Wait,” Adam interjected, suddenly bombarded by a sea of questions, “How did I do what?”_ _

__“That was the… _nicest _we’ve ever seen him!” Jessica said, clearly not wanting to say ‘nice’ but lacking the time to find a better word.___ _

____All the others sounded their agreement._ _ _ _

____Adam wanted to ask if Ronan was really that bad, but he knew Ronan better than that._ _ _ _

____“Do you just… sedate him somehow by being here?”_ _ _ _

____Adam really didn’t know how to take that._ _ _ _

____“I… I’ve known him a long time. I notice when he’s about to do something, and I already figured out how to do it better before he can start.”_ _ _ _

____That sounded braggy, but the women were impressed. Really, Adam had been as angry about certain things as Ronan, like certain comments people had made, or skewed priorities, but Adam had a lot of practice holding back his anger, a lot of reason to do it, and teaching that told him how to bring it up without losing control. Besides, Adam was pretty sure what made Ronan mad most of the time was feeling like the only sane person in the room. Even if Adam didn’t say anything, it probably would have been more calm than usual, just because Ronan would have had someone to back him up._ _ _ _

____“Can you come back next time?”_ _ _ _

____While Adam didn’t… particularly like these women (between their reactions to the proposed program for acceptance and financial aid for underprivileged students, some of the looks the two of them kept getting throughout the meeting, and the complete lack of understanding about anything these people seemed to have when an issue about deaf students came up, Adam understood why Ronan didn’t like them), but Connor was friends with at least one of their kids, and they would probably listen in meetings more if they liked Adam as much as he thought._ _ _ _

____“I’d like to, but I have to work a lot. I’ll make it when I can.”_ _ _ _

____The women looked disappointed, but hopeful. They added Adam to an e-mail list, and he was finally able to get away._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____When he got home, the smell of Ronan cooking dinner and the sound of Connor excitedly talking about his time at Blue’s house carried from the kitchen to the front door. He heard Connor stop mid-sentence and yell “Dad’s home!”_ _ _ _

____Adam filled with warmth, and took the seconds between closing the door and picking up his son to appreciate just how much better his life was than he ever thought it could be._ _ _ _

____He carried Connor back into the kitchen, careful not to mess up the sweater it looked like Blue had made him._ _ _ _

____“Tell Blue to stop making our kid wear that recycled hipster- crap.” Ronan stopped himself at the full swear. Getting better since the “We don’t repeat grown up words at school” conversation they had to have with Connor._ _ _ _

____“You tell her.”_ _ _ _

____“Like that stubborn Witch listens to me.”_ _ _ _

____“You two are too much alike.”_ _ _ _

____Ronan gave him a look, having heard that more times than he could count._ _ _ _

____Connor laughed, shaking a little in Adam’s arms._ _ _ _

____“That’s what Blue looks like when I say that.”_ _ _ _

____“Say what?”_ _ _ _

____“That she’s like you!”_ _ _ _

____Ronan made an indignant sound and threw them a betrayed look , as if to say ‘How could my own son say something so horrible?’_ _ _ _

____“We are not that much alike.”_ _ _ _

____Connor laughed harder. Adam let out a noise too. “That’s exactly how Blue says it.”_ _ _ _

____Ronan turned back to the stove where he was frying something._ _ _ _

____“Fun meeting, Parrish ?”_ _ _ _

____Adam shifted Connor in his arms again, taking a minute to answer. “A few people were… interesting.” Ronan looked amused. Actually, it was less amused and more smug at how right he was._ _ _ _

____“That means they sucked. Let me guess- Pamela? She was the worst tonight.”_ _ _ _

____“She could have been worse.”_ _ _ _

____Ronan snorted. The sad thing was, Adam was right._ _ _ _

____“I think they liked me. They said I have a calming effect on you.”_ _ _ _

____“Like the Cabeswater to your magician? Quit leaning like that, you’ll burn.”_ _ _ _

____He said the last part to Connor, who was leaning out of his father’s arms a little too closely to the stove to get a better look at the food. Adam set him down and he kept looking up impatiently. Ronan looked at the stove clock and told him it was time to feed Chainsaw, which Connor was happy to run off to do. He was her second favorite person._ _ _ _

____It sounded weird when Ronan said it like that, but he guessed the Cabeswater comparison wasn’t completely inaccurate. Cabeswater was still there, still part of their lives, but it wasn’t like they went there every day. Adam was still linked to it though. He could move away if he wanted, but he couldn’t stay away too long forever. That reminded him of Ronan. Could never leave him alone for too long- not that he wanted to. Ronan made him stronger, and he helped Ronan be stronger. Not entirely unlike the deal that turned him part magical forest._ _ _ _

____He took off his jacket and loosened his tie, and started thinking about the meeting again._ _ _ _

____“I want to go again if I can.”_ _ _ _

____Ronan looked at him like he was deranged._ _ _ _

____“Are you kidding?”_ _ _ _

____“You really want to be alone with them?”_ _ _ _

____Ronan couldn’t disagree, but he still gave him a look . He turned back to the stove. Adam put his arms around Ronan’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder, breathing in Ronan’s familiar scent along with the food._ _ _ _

____“Watch it, you’ll burn.” Ronan warned again, though he made no move to push Adam away._ _ _ _

____“I’ll risk it.”_ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a post I made from a prompt on tumblr. First fic posting on here. Not called "Fight Me Helen" because why would you fight Helen Ronan, she flew you in a helicopter, she has been nothing but nice to you.


End file.
